Real Conversations: The Christmas Tree

We didn’t have time to cut down our tree from a farm this year like we usually do.  So instead we drove to the Kroger Parking lot to pick one out.

Nick: We don’t have anything to tie the tree to the car.

Me: It’s a grocery store.  Why wouldn’t they sell rope?

Nick: …Is this a real question.

Me: We’ll be fine.  Do you think rope would be located in the “car repair” aisle or the “cleaning supplies” aisle?

Nick: …

Me: You try the car repair aisle.  I’ll meet you at the lobster tank in five minutes.

Five very disappointed minutes later.

Nick: Nothing.

Me: I found those slippers that also work as dusters.  Santa may or may not be bringing us many many pairs this year.  A pair for our feet and for our hands so we can crawl around like demon-possesed children and sing pirate songs, all while we’re dusting!

Nick: So no rope?

Me: What about extension cords?  We could do that Karate trick where you tie the ends and also plug them together.

Nick: Not karate.

Me: Duct tape?  It’s possible the paint would rip off, but maybe we could pass it off as “natural causes” with the insurance company because it’s from a Christmas Tree which is totally natural.

Nick: I don’t think that’s a thing.

Me: Oh!  We could put it sticky side to sticky side.  So neither side is actually sticky but it’s still strong.  OR we could braid it together into a long rope!

Nick: These are terrible suggestions.

And that’s how we ended up with a Christmas Tree saran-wrapped to our roof.  And for everyone who doesn’t believe us here is the rock-hard proof.

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