We didn’t have time to cut down our tree from a farm this year like we usually do. So instead we drove to the Kroger Parking lot to pick one out.
Nick: We don’t have anything to tie the tree to the car.
Me: It’s a grocery store. Why wouldn’t they sell rope?
Nick: …Is this a real question.
Me: We’ll be fine. Do you think rope would be located in the “car repair” aisle or the “cleaning supplies” aisle?
Me: You try the car repair aisle. I’ll meet you at the lobster tank in five minutes.
Five very disappointed minutes later.
Me: I found those slippers that also work as dusters. Santa may or may not be bringing us many many pairs this year. A pair for our feet and for our hands so we can crawl around like demon-possesed children and sing pirate songs, all while we’re dusting!
Nick: So no rope?
Me: What about extension cords? We could do that Karate trick where you tie the ends and also plug them together.
Nick: Not karate.
Me: Duct tape? It’s possible the paint would rip off, but maybe we could pass it off as “natural causes” with the insurance company because it’s from a Christmas Tree which is totally natural.
Nick: I don’t think that’s a thing.
Me: Oh! We could put it sticky side to sticky side. So neither side is actually sticky but it’s still strong. OR we could braid it together into a long rope!
Nick: These are terrible suggestions.
And that’s how we ended up with a Christmas Tree saran-wrapped to our roof. And for everyone who doesn’t believe us here is the rock-hard proof.